Evangelists Hate Naked People

I bought this old house when i was a young man, 'cause it was old and included in the charm was big etched glass front door. I hung lace curtains from it the day i moved in. It was to me the highlight of the house that let in a stream of light every morning and cast delicate lacy patterns on the dark oak floors. Unfortunately every damned Sunday these elderly black folks would come to my big glass front door and attempt to save me through their Baptist church. I'm jut sitting there, in full view through those beautiful glass door mind you, minding my own business not particularly thinking about much less wanting saving. They always seemed to catch me off guard. I'm just lounging about on the sofas and bamm! They're peering at me through the door. I want to be rude, but they're like 108 years old and just so nice. So I'm polite and after a botu twenty minutes of "yeah praise him" and "see ya at church and stuff" eventually tear away and get back to my minding my own business on the couch routine. But they never see me at church and they keep coming back and I can't be rude and they smell blood and keep coming back and one day I see 'em coming up the block and like snap man. I send my toddler off to her room, remove all my clothes and stand with arms crossed in front of that big glass door, smiling baby. The lacy curtains made a curious pattern on my skin. I felt a bit chilled but the sun was strangely warm. I considered doing this more often. The elderly Christians approached. I inhaled to enhance my badly needing enhancement chest and waited. They reached the walk,close to hear them talking about what a nice man I was and needed their help, when one of the ladies, there was one elderly man and two elderly women, stopped cold halfway up my walkway. She instinctively reached out to stop her companions to either side. Her face signaled alarm, her eyes wide and fixed on me or parts of me. Her mouthed was gaped as wide as her eyes. He alarmed companions asked what was wrong and motioned to my door indicating they had work to do here to which she just insisted they had to leave. They attempted to stop her as she forcibly repelled them and made her way down the sidewalk as fast as she could, her companions struggling to keep up. I never saw them again. Which got me thinking that they must hate naked people. I'd think someone standing naked at the front door must need something, like I dunno, saving from himself or whatever. I mean the cops would have made some attempt at saving me. What the hell man. Perhaps I should have removed item with each visit. I figure I could be completely naked by their, lets see, shirt, pants, underwear, socks, fourth visit. You see, I don't want to go to hell. I'm naked and want to be saved. I want to go to heaven naked. It's the way I came in damned it. I don't think they should treat me like that. Man I'm so glad I'm Catholic. Of course they go door to door, but I bet they know I'm naked at home and don't really care. They're possibly naked but not doing anything 'cause sex is just too naughty unless you're making a baby like ya spose to and not enjoying it or at least feeling guilty bout it later. I'll bet there are lots of naked Hindus and Methodists out there and maybe some Muslims. And some might be standing in front of glass doors. I think we should have "Let's All Stand Naked in front of Our Glass Door Day". If ya don't have a glass door, you can just open it and stand just inside. We could ring bells and shout, "I'm naked and going to heaven, man!"